Grand parents Today

Retirement Life Topics

Grandparenting Today

Why grand parents' roles have been changing and how to build relationships with the grandkids.

How grand parents build relationships with grandkids from afar. Is the iconic grand parent a thing of the past? How we've changed, our challenges and tips for grand parents today.

GRAND PARENTING TODAY

by Chris Cross

Has the iconic cookie-baking grandma morphed into a bikini clad hottie? Did grandpa store his fishing pole in the garage and take up riding a mountain bike in Moab? What is changing in the world of grand-parenting today?

As society becomes more transient and our children move out of the towns and cities they grew up in for employment opportunities/advancement, or we ourselves move to more affordable towns after retirement, the family dynamics are forced to undergo change. Instead of building relationships in our living rooms and the park, relationships with grandkids today are often the long distance brand. Our roles are changing from cookie baking grandmas, and ball-throwing grandpas into seniors with new hobbies and interests in retirement life that take the place of the traditional "grandparent" icon.

But is this new role for everyone? Or do most grandparents today prefer, still, to live in the same neighborhood as their children so they can spend their time babysitting those adorable bundles of energy and having our children and grandchildren over once a week for a family dinner? You tell me... grandparents, grandparenating

Last summer my husband and I went to a movie and dinner with a lovely couple. The only thing the wife talked about during the ride to the restaurant, during dinner, and the ride home was her grandchildren. What sports they were involved in, why she can't leave home all day because she baby sits them, and little Johnny's latest antics. And if we did by chance stray off that topic, she anxiously waited for any lull in the conversation so she could resume her monologue.

I don't know her grandkids, and they might be as cute as mine, but frankly I was getting bored. Where was the lively give and take of conversational social intercourse? Didn't she have any other interests, hobbies, or opinions about travel, politics, current events, books, the economy, illegal aliens...even the ones arriving in UFO's? Anything? Why did she think I wanted to know everything about children I didn't even know in the first place?

Realizing I was getting exercized over such a small issue I stepped back and asked myself if my anxt grew out of a loss I hand't confronted. My grandkids are a good 8 hours away by car and I don't see them very often. Could this simply be chalked up to jealousy?

In less than a couple of seconds I realized that even if I lived close enough to babysit my grandkids every day like she did, I wouldn't.

Perhaps that was the root of the problem. Guilt. I didn't fit into the stereotypical role of a "good grandma". A fact which my daughter has reminded me of, subtly or not on many occasions. She would have much preferred the cookie-baking, babysit the children woman we dined with to be her mother. Me, not so much. I enjoy witty reparte and discussions about the possibility of life on a space station, or under the deep blue sea. What it would be like to live in Honduras or Italy. Why I would or wouldn't be voting Democratic this election year. I have my own interests, hobbies and a wonderful relationship with my husband that keep me fulfilled.

But that doesn't preclude me loving my children and my grandchildren. They are amazing and I absolutely love being with them. My husband and I have driven 8 hours one way and back the next day just to watch a game of soccer, smile with pride during dance recitals and watch their faces light up when they choose a special ornament for the tree after taking them to lunch every year...our Christmas tradition.

So who's right? Or is there even a right way to grand-parent? Do we have to give up part of ourselves, our individuality and slip into the traditional role to be socially acceptable as a grandparent? Or is it okay to let your children rear their babies on their own, visiting when possible and enjoying the little ones' accomplishments, trials, and beaming faces when we can? Are we missing the bond between grandparent and grandchild that can only be built by spending a lot of time together? And if we are, is there a way to make that connection from a distance?

I believe there is.

Living apart doesn't have to mean you can't have a fulfilling relationship with your grandchildren. It just takes a different kind of effort.

FUN IDEAS THAT WILL INSPIRE ARTISTIC ABILITIES

Many adults credit parents and grand parents for instilling the love of art in them as children, so take this opportunity to peruse some great ideas that will inspire your grandkids to appreciate while gaining a love of art. And it's going to be fun for you too...

Take them to art galleries and museums...then ice cream.

Buy a drawing book, paper and pencils. Spend an hour learning how to draw a tree.

Buy a book about a particular artist with their life history and examples of their work.

BUILD A RELATIONSHIP by DOING THINGS TOGETHER

We all want to be the fun grandparents. The ones the kids can’t wait to see.

Invite the grandkids to "Camp Grandma" or Grandpa. Pitch a tent together if you have a yard and let them sleep outside in the fresh air. Or do it inside. It doesn’t matter.

But for the camping experience take them outside to stargaze, eat hot dogs and make Smores on your grill. Sing camp songs, tell ghost stories. It’s up to you. It’s your “Camp Grandparents”.

When the grandkids are visiting and they say they're bored (and they probably will) click on this page. It will offer some more fun grand parenting ideas to work on together.

What Makes a 'Great' Grand parent? Being involved, being creative, having fun, teaching life lessons, sharing, a lot of love...and Ice Cream!

Link to a program that talks about how to grandparent once every week here. Topics vary. more

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Related Article: Retirement finances and asset protection. more

GRAND PARENTS RAISING GRAND KIDS...below

BUILDING LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS...

IDEAS FOR GRAND PARENTS

One idea for long distance grand parenting is to find things you can do together while you're apart. Build relationships by getting involved, albeit long distance, in their school and extra-curricular activities by keeping scrap books of their achievements. Send and receive short videos of what's happing in each other's lives (this means you will have to get out and do things too so you can keep them interested in what you are involved with too). Plan a summer activity together over the phone, email or snail mail.

Living apart doesn't have to mean you can't have a fulfilling relationship with your grand children. It just takes some good ole grand parenting effort.

There are a lot of good ideas to help grand parents build relationships with their grand children who aren't close-by. One effective tool is writing a book with them, long distance. Use their names, pet names and the names of their parents for character names. Ask them questions that inspire creative thought to put into the book. It's a great way to help get their creative juices flowing,and it gives you another thing to share and talk about.

Start a Book Club
Using webcams, you and your grandkids can participate in a book club through Skype’s conference-call option, depending on your computer, if you want to discuss the books in real time…face to face. Or, email your thoughts back and forth with live chat at a designated time. It might be good to let them choose the first books to ensure their participation.

Create a Fantasy Sports League
Another good grand parenting idea is to create a little friendly rivalry between you and your grandkids can be a fun way to stay in touch and have more things in common. Poke some fun at each other’s team and reveal that fun, clever side of your personality. You can even start a family baseball or football pool. more

WHAT IS YOUR STYLE?

While the actual "style" when referring to grand parenting is relatively new. our parents, grand parents as well as our own way of grand parenting often results from what we grew up with, however not always.

Grand parenting styles were be loosely characterized as either formal, fun-seeking, or distant. What is your grand parenting style? Are you a grand parent who finds yourself in the kitchen preparing Sunday dinners or cookies? Have you taken the mantle of disciplinarian? Or do you prefer to play games with your grand children?

Neugarten and Weinstein did an informal study years ago and noted two grandparenting styles but described them as highly gender-specific.

Grandmothers sometimes fell into a style called the surrogate parent. These grandmothers assumed a great deal of responsibility for the care of the child.

Grandfathers sometimes assumed a role which the researchers called the reservoir of family wisdom. In this authoritarian model, the grandfather was the guardian of special skills and resources.

Today, many times the roles are reversed.

More grand parents have had to adopt the surrogate parent role over the years. This grand parenting style is probably due to the high divorce rate and out of wedlock pregnancies along with the growing number of two-career families.

Many grand parents fit the fun-seeking role. This is especially true of those whose grandchildren live in intact families and in families with adequate financial resources

The final grand parenting style is the Sage. The sage is the go to person in the family when a family member needs advice. A sage grand parent who is Christian offers Bible teachings and prays with the grand children. Sage grand parents as a whole seldom initiate interaction but are there when called upon. This generally happens when the grand children are old enough to go to college. When the sage grand parent gives advice the often offer advice with the long view of life.

GRAND PARENTS RAISING GRANDCHILDREN

Raising a grandchild can be challenging, no doubt. After all, you have already done your part raising your own children.

There are many sacrifices the grand parents have to make if they have assumed this responsibility, and yet it is highly rewarding. “The second time around” is often different than raising our own children because many circumstances have changed.

Most likely we now have more patience, a greater understanding of children’s needs and more empathy and compassion. We may have more time for our grand children if we don’t have to work full time… More time to attend soccer games, dance recitals and parent- teacher conferences. Grand parenting can mean being more active and involved in a grand child’s life, so they grow up feeling secure and loved.

When a grand parent chooses to take on the responsibility of raising a grand child who appreciates all the sacrifices made by the grand parents, there is no greater gift.

Grand kids often show their appreciation through words of love and praise for their grandparents at graduations, weddings and other celebrations.

A downside to all of this is that you will also have to continue to deal with the parent of your grandchild....Your own child. Depending on the situation, it can lead to many frustrating confrontations or legal battles.

If you are raising your grandchild, you must not forget you are still your CHILD’s parent. Left with the responsibility you may be angry and disappointed with your own child, but it is important that you try to help your child along this road as well as your grandchild.

Much like in the case of divorce, don’t pit the parent against their child. Try to maintain hope that your adult child will change their life so that they can assume the responsibility of raising their own child, your grand child, but face the reality that it may never happen.

Keep the communication lines open with your children as you go through this process. Your maturity, patience, acceptance and love will send a beautiful message to your grandchildren. parent.

If your child is having difficulty raising your grand child it is important to assure your child that there will always be a place for your grand children in your home if they need somewhere loving to go.

If you are raising a grandchild, be sure not to wall yourself off from friends and others who might glean from your experiences. Share and educate others about obstacles you have had to deal with and the rewards of taking on the challenge.

Join other grand parenting groups. Get involved with government agencies, the legal system, schools, insurance companies, religious and other institutions to help them recognize the importance of your grand parenting roll.

Form a network of other grand parenting leaders to interface with local and state organizations. Convene on a regular basis to discuss changing needs, plan, advocate, and implement new policies.

Assess benefits derived by care-giving grand parents to help encourage other grand parents to take responsibility for their grandchildren.